I've decided that mental health is really important. Thus, the strings of mental-health days I've started my summer with. People think it's weird that some days I don't go out at all, except for practice. My skin color remains only a fraction of a shade darker than it was in winter, while my school-friends are all darker. They have summer hair and smell of sunscreen and the beach.


People think I'm lonely inside my apartment. They find it humorous that I'd rather watch Earth with my parents than "hang out" with them. (Which we did. And before that, we watched the Soloist. And after Earth, we saw Up). Truthfully, I hate the idea of "hanging out". I think it's a cheap expression for sitting around doing things I would much rather do by myself. I cringe at "hanging out". It means the mall or the movies and then dinner with awkward bill splitting that I hate, and then silently fighting about whose parents will drive us home.

I'd rather talk.

It doesn't help that the words "hanging out" sound so sleezy. Every time someone asks me to "hang out", I can't help but picture a hooker in fishnet stockings and bad makeup with her breasts and gut "hanging out" over a slutty outfit.


Back to the subject.

So I've been taking mental health breaks. I don't think I realized the importance of them this past year. Just to kick back and relax, in the comfort of my own home where I am finally, finally allowed to do whatever the hell I want and just be. I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to.









The other day I listened to four whole CDs while reorganizing some papers. The sun shone in through the window while The White Album played, while the Cold War Kids' album played, while Vampire Weekend played, where all these voices played and the sun shined and I hummed; my hair a mess; my clothes dusty; while I sneezed in time with the rhythm of some song I don't remember; while I breathed summer air and took a mental health day again, again, again.

My mom is letting me borrow (unofficially) her old Canon EOS IX Lite film camera. I love my new Nikon d40, but I want to try film too. So hopefully it's not a failure.

I am really craving some great and terrible chic-lit to audio books to listen to on my iPod. It's been since Middle School that I fully indulged in the world that is bubblegum cynicism, and I miss it. I have been searching endlessly for a download of The Princess Diaries Series since I've only read up to book four. I'm embarrassed to go to the library and check them out, how sad.

I downloaded a book in Spanish, even though mine isn't that fluent and I won't understand 99% of it. I just like how the language sounds. I'm also downloading a Pablo Neruda poem that is read in Italian, which I don't understand either. But it'd be good to fall asleep to.

My old computer crashed, which had my iTunes on it, and my iTunes account and all that. So I can't update my iPod with new music or use the gift card my friend got me for my birthday. (Perhaps I should use that to purchase volumes one through ten of the Princess Diaries Series).
 

I'm trying to learn the ins-and-outs of my new d40. I took a free class yesterday, learned about some of the settings, took extensive notes, and then forgot most of it. I've just been playing around with the settings, hopefully it'll get better with time (and practice). And perhaps I'll shoot live subjects soon.

What I should be doing:
-Reading chapter 17 in my chemistry book
-Finishing my chemistry homework
-Doing pre-calc homework

What I am doing instead:
-Joining d40 groups on flickr
-Downloading gimp
-Uploading photos